- Y este domingo, ¿qué sentis Sabri?
- Decepción.
- ...
- Es horrible, lo sé, pero es lo que me provocan. Una gran decepción. Es parte del aprendizaje, no? Darse cuenta como es su familia, de donde venimos. Me llama un poco la atención porque pensé que ya me conocían, que mis señales y, sobretodo mis palabras, habian sido claras. Pero no, son sordos. Sordos literales. Asi es como me siento en verdad hoy... Acompañada de un día gris. Acompañada de brotes alergicos. Acompañada de algo que acabo de encontrar en la web y que me gustaría compartir a todos los insesantes ciberneticos. Strong people. Hope you like it:

"What is the goal? What is the goal? What is the goal? Who is in control? I am. If I remember that: I am. What do I want from every scenario I put myself in? Who can take my power from me and leave me a spineless frightened little girl unable to breath who can’t remember why she might matter or be worthy even a little bit? No one. I’m the one who actively gives it away. Mantras. I have to use mantras like ‘I’m enough. I’m enough. I’m enough. Just breathe. Everything is exactly as it needs to be to.’ I have to remember to be grounded. To be OK. To remember my worth. I have to make sure I don’t get unconsciously swept up/swept away. Cuz that shit happens so easily. We lose years of our lives to bad relationships, bad choices, not taking responsibility, making excuses, saying ‘I can’t‘ while another one CAN, binge eating, having horrible- life sucking-unfulfilling jobs, taking drugs, fucking evil assholes, letting them inside us. So I continue to ask myself things like ‘What do you want right now? What is it that you want from the situation you are in?’ Because as long as I know where I’m coming from, as long as I know what I want. As long as I listen to that tiny voice inside me- in the pit of my stomach- and not delude myself; as long as I check in with myself constantly and consciously, and know what I want for myself/what the goal of the moment is, even if it’s as simple as: to make a friend, to fuck, to learn something, to be quiet, to be brave, to protect myself, to be alone, to have fun, to dance, to see another side of life/of the story… then I’m not operating from an unconscious place. I’m not letting deep routed/ingrained behavior/lessons/teachings guide me. This is a life practice. And even if you aren’t exactly sure of what your goal is, but you know enough/you just wanna be wherever you are to find out what happens- and you feel you’re in a safe environment with people who aren’t gonna hurt you (physically/emotionally) that’s fine. what’s important is that you took the time to check in with yourself. You stopped for a moment to take care of yourself. Sometimes, i can act consciously unconscious. This is when I see what I’m doing and i know that it’s a bit reckless/compulsive/and might invite chaos into my life… but I do it anyway- forfeiting logic and playing it safe, choosing to subscribe to my other mantras which include: ‘we’re all gonna die anyway’, and ‘what would the 50 year old me tell me to do?’ But as long as I’m awake and present and aware of the goal, and the consequences, and not hurting anyone… I’m OK/in check. Nobody’s perfect. It is what it is. I love you. "